sitting, waiting, wishing

I love Jack Johnson. Too bad I can't go to Live Earth on 7th July.
So I'm not really depressed anymore, the feelings are fading. Thank god. But here I am, again. Who would have thought I'd be communicating with myself? So yea, my last bit of depression would be the 'sitting, wishing, hoping' part, despite the fact that yesterday was a good day. Submitted the arse-hard DOHA essay, and I passed my quiz for Economics of Money and Finance (thank god), watched Georgia Rule..a good one cos it made me cry in the end.

My sister in law told me, relationships are complicated. It's not just about loving each other. It's about being compatible. Somehow I never actually felt that way before with pea, maybe I tried to think we're compatible, but as time goes by I feel that we're getting further than compatible. Everything seems impossible now, I have tried really hard. We have tried to make it work since in the beginning of our relationship. Yet, I can't see myself in the future with pea. I hate to feel this way but my gut feeling keeps telling me that. I'll just be more positive and hold on tighter, and see how long more this can carry on.

love, dreamer.

Cameron Diaz

Hi blog,

so it seems like i'll be stuck with you til my depression goes away.bear with me for a couple of days till my pms is gone,alright?i'm so so so sick of this.ohh guess what time i slept?8AM,yup yup.

i've been fucking depressed for a week.maybe it's the workload.nah.more like i think that my future has been planned out,and it's certain,and i really hate it.not career,na-uh.career wise i'd be really happy if everything has been planned out til the next 10 years.more like i don't think that i am experiencing my young life enough and i'm already stuck,er,committed with someone else.and i think i'm being pressured by the whole "we're getting married" thing by everyone around me.sick of it.gosh why the fuck is this happening.i feel like i'm not doing what i'm supposed to be doing.i haven't done the things i wanna do,i haven't experienced the things i wanna experience,and oh guess what?i'm stuck with someone and so i can't do the things i want.so this brings me to Cameron Diaz,a hot SALTY (single woman after a long term relationship).Morrissey,one of Australia's top designers said "Salties get the chance to spend their youth making the most of new experiences".while everyone around me is sick of being single,me on the other hand hate being committed too fast.it's making me depressed.

I have always admired Cameron Diaz.She is strong,hot,not young but still makes the most of her life.i'm only 20 and my whole future has been planned out.and people have expectations from me,namely pea's fam.

so,blog,that's why i've created you.cos i can only express my insane depression to something or someone who doesn't know my circle of friends or boyfriend.please don't talk to me back,i'd freak out.i think this is insane.

love, dreamer.

unbelievably idiotic.

7.08am.

still awake.wide awake.welcome to existence blog.this is unbelievably idiotic that i am blogging while i can't sleep.took me 3 hours to try.i'd rather be up and do something productive.right,this is a big relieve,pfft.the last time i can't sleep was a year ago.took me 4 hours.i had to force cry myself so that i can sleep.i'm not coming home late again.bad bad bad.i'm friggin' tired but i'm not sleepy.perfect.please,please sleep,i'm begging myself!hope this will be my last time blogging here.fucking hell.

i can't sleep cos i can't stop thinking cos my brain is still functioning and hectic.i've been depressed lately.probably pms.i dunno.hope so.talked to myself while i was trying to sleep.blogging is a better way of talking to yourself,less weird.i'm so hating this.i need to study.but my body is friggin' tired like hell.

i think i can't sleep cos i'm depressed,stressed,hungry & thirsty.too lazy to eat or drink before i go to bed at 4 sumthin.hah,now i'm facing the consequences of being lazy.omg i don't talk to myself.this can't be happening.