Death

This morning started off pretty alright. Drove to work as usual while singing in the car in the rain. Arrived work fifteen minutes late because I didn't speed. Did my best to keep myself busy so my boss wouldn't annoy me. I need a break. I feel like I might explode anytime. I can literally feel my blood pressure rising and I wouldn't be surprised if I die young. These days I have lost my will to wake up, my patience, my belief system is failing, everything else you name it. All I feel like doing is sleep. I need a fucking break. I need to fucking scream. I need to fucking punch something or throw something really hard (Wow so much anger there). I want to scream "motherfuc$%er!!!" out loud. I want to get away from everything and be alone. Okay this is weird. I feel like I am talking to myself. Like my first post in this blog. Is it in or on this blog? Who cares. I need a self help book on how to manage your stupid boss without throwing him a punch in his face. I need a self help book to stop talking to myself like I'm doing now. I need a self help book that tells me how to hate everything without sounding so pathetic. I fucking hate everything. Except ice cream. No. I hate ice cream cos it makes me fat. Now I hate blogging cos it makes me sound pathetic.

The last time I felt this angry was when I was still in Sydney, July 07? It was easier then cos I get to splurge on unnecessary things, and just have a nice walk in the sunshine in the city or just have a random trip to the beach. And everything will be alright. Now I hate being here cos there's nothing I can do which can actually calm me down. Now I sound even more pathetic. Okay, this calls for a shopping spree tomorrow. Awesome!

Hate,
not dreaming anymore.