In Good Company

A string of thoughts came into mind while driving back from the gym today. It started with realizing how much I look forward to tomorrow (today). I get to meet up with my colleagues again, since our last meeting last Friday.

Before over a year ago I think I spent most of my uni life being tied down to a commitment I didn't wish to be in. Then came an old acquaintance on one cold autumn night. I think that I was drawn to him because he was the only part in my life that people around me don't know much about that time. It felt like it's the only place I can have a little freedom in without the other person being nosy. The only place I feel comfortable venting, just about anything. That makes him one of the closest person. Some things in my life were made clearer. The only one I give the privilege to to be honest about what he thinks, as judgmental as one could be. I think the fact that we both take honesty very seriously is the reason that made me feel comfortable. As busy as he was running his life, I relied on him so much at the time I burnt a toast (haha), he managed to be there all the time to talk and listen and judge. I miss that. I think that's a true friend and everyone else would agree.

I used to hate she who turned out to be one of the people who sees right through me when I myself couldn't understand. As much as I don't like hearing the truth from her at times, it always turns out to be right. She has so much strength in herself to have the ability to hide her darkest emotions. I have always tried to do that but I always fail. A big chunk of strength I learnt to pick up the pieces was from her. I don't feel the need to hide the crazy, sometimes unacceptable behaviour from her because of her understanding. There's always something that I want to share and she'd always laugh and cry with me for that.

I grew up with another friend who still remains close to me until today. My childhood friend who knows me and my past too well. To this date, I can't recall a time which she gave negative remarks about myself to me. She is always supportive in everything. Everything. She doesn't judge. Always cheering from behind. Always understood. I know that I can get a good laugh with her when I need one without fail.

I miss having late night talks, long life conversations, sharing random thoughts. I enjoy good company. A place we can talk, share, laugh, cry and be honest about each other. It feels like it doesn't come around as much anymore. And that could make one feel like shutting down. This is the string of thoughts which made me realize that these days my colleagues are my only good company when everyone else is too busy. Now that the 21 of us are separated and assigned to different locations for 2 months, it feels like "argh!". So, even a little thing like having lunch with colleagues tomorrow can make me feel excited.
Looking down the building, I can only see an empty road. Safety net nowhere to be found. Let's wish there's a first aid kit down there.

love, dreamer.